Is it really a partner’s right to comment in the first place? I bring up this topic because while I was away on the ship, I picked up a fashion magazine from the deck library to accompany me by the pool. It was mostly psychobabble, however, one article really stood out. It was a feature on makeovers, and chose 3 women to makeover, with each women having a short blurb as to why they wanted/needed a makeover.
From what I can remember, one was a makeup virgin and needed a beginner ‘look’, and the other wanted a more professional look for a job … something like that. The last girl, however, had a whole different reason:
I was so upset when I when I read this, I took a picture of it to write about it here! The magazine should be giving her therapy sessions, or recommend a good divorce lawyer, no?
What’s even more sad is this girl had a high position at a company at only 23 years old (hello!?!) but had such low self esteem from that husband of hers – who, by the way, I think should take a good look in the mirror himself!
Obviously no one knows the full story – but I wonder, what would you do in this situation? Has your significant other ever commented on your looks negatively? Do they have a right to that?
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m not sure what I would do. This can be really damaging. Someone who truly loves you will not “constantly criticize” you.
This is depressing. Heaps of young girls suffer from low self esteem, I think they have it first, then their partners can reinforce it or make it even worse. It is really sad that the magazine would print it, as if many of their readers face this problems. Your husband says you are ugly? Well them read our makeover tips like this woman. Her husband loves her now! (just saying,) did they have a follow-up blurb to what the makeover helped them with?
It’s really sad to see stories like this, where the partner belittles the woman like that. And it’s very dangerous too, that he would give such a negative comment on her physical appearance. This means that his eye could have been roving (if not, how to compare, right?). I would say to ditch the guy, but reading it again, it’s her husband, so it’s not that simple. The husband has taken the wife for granted so much so that he thinks that it’s all right to criticise her like that.
The husband’s an ass and a half. My husband tells me when I’m beautiful, he notices when I’ve done something different to myself (if it’s good, he’ll tell me. If it’s bad, he’ll still tell me :p). He’ll tell me when I’ve put on weight, and pat me on the back and tell me I’ve done a good job when I lose it. I don’t mind if he tells me that there are things that I can improve on. That’s communication. But there must be a balance. I can’t be doing everything wrong. Neither can the girl in the magazine.
Tine’s last blog post … My Easter Went Something Like This
Poor lady :( Can you imagine what she goes through everyday at home? What a stinking husband she has.
Honestly, this relationship will never work. We should not try to change the way we look, dress, behave according to what someone else says, least of all our husband, who is supposed to love us, for better or worse, that includes the way we look. My husband never notice how I look and that’s a compliment. Sometimes, when we’re running late and I said I need to put on some lipstick, he said there’s no need for that! Isn’t that just so adorable!And he always refers to me as ‘my beautiful wife’ even when I have a black face mask on!!!
Hey everyone, thanks for your input. I really hoped to get some opinions on this because I was so appalled.
Kat – that was my same reaction. Why would they print this, it’s as if it’s a completely normal, valid reason to get a makeover, and the editors think that their readers could relate? Very scary. Yes, they did have a short quote from her saying something along the lines of, “I love this, I look great, I really hope my husband likes it…” Again with the damn husband!
Tine – who really knows if he’s had a wandering eye or if he’s just an ass, like you said. Either way, this is unacceptable. I don’t know how hard it is to get a divorce (God forbid I ever go through one, it looks awful) but if this were me, I’d leave the man. You’re lucky to have such a great husband, Tine. Like you said, there must be a balance. Your husband should be supporting you, not criticizing you!
Lesley – I can imagine it’s horrible. Imagine coming home from work, and then dealing with that? Poor, poor lady :(
Ruth – The relationship could work, in the sense that the man can keep doing what he’s doing and she wouldn’t leave him. I believe this woman is in an emotional abusive relationship – if he is constantly bringing her down and criticizing her, that’s abuse. Sometimes a woman can be so ‘abused’ that she begins to believe him, and she would stay with him. I’m not to sure, I haven’t witnessed any friends going through relationships like this and thank God I haven’t. I’m sure it’s very easy for us all to say, “dump the loser!” but I’m sure it takes more than that. I really hope the lady figures it out and has the strength to leave that useless man. And like Tine, you are lucky to have such a great husband!
I couldn’t see the image (at work), but I’m sure I can guess what it says. This is emotional abuse. There’s no telling if it will escalate into physical abuse, but emotional abuse is damaging enough. That poor woman! It’s so sad that there are so many out there that allow this to happen, but it’s a cycle. First he’s nice, then he’s mean, then he’s nice and loving again. Abuse should never happen to anyone! Argh!
Btw, my significant other will always comment honestly if I ask him and offer complements if I need them! But they’re always completely honest, and he always says I don’t need makeup either :) Tine and I must be lucky!
Oops – sorry Danielle but I missed your comment!
You both are VERY lucky! The image basically says how this woman has low self esteem because her husband criticizes her looks all the time. She ends with, “I really wish for once in my life, he would compliment me and tell me I’m beautiful.” :( It’s so upsetting, really.