Throw out that scale!

I was asked how much I weigh the other day.

I responded by staring blankly back at the person. Firstly, what a question; and secondly, I couldn’t give a direct answer … because I had no idea. I also realized that I hadn’t weighed myself at all this year – yep, I don’t really have any idea how much I weigh. (Well, I have a rough estimate from the doctor’s office a few months ago, but that’s about it!)

But is that such a bad thing?

Like many other girls, I used to care about my weight and weigh myself everyday.

I did some modeling as a teen (nothing big, but it was nice pocket money). I’ve always been a “skinny kid” so I never thought about my weight too much. Yes, I was teased in school for being so scrawny, but I always thought it was more my height than being thin. (On hindsight, though, maybe it was both?)

But weight issues, talks of being thin, exercise and diet suddenly came into my vocabulary when I started modeling. With modeling, you’d go to castings, and at castings, you see your competition: Six feet tall, perfectly engineered, flawless young women. How could that not interfere with a young girl’s self esteem? (I was 14 or 15 when I started modeling). I also started to make some model friends, and though I’m not saying this is true with all models, the majority of them only talked about their body and their weight. Some would be skinnier than me, and much taller (so they would have to weigh more than someone who was shorter) – and yet they called themselves ‘fat’.

Before long, I started to wonder what they thought of me. Was I ‘fat’ in their eyes, too?

That’s when the obsessive weighing started. I would wake up each morning and weigh myself. I was satisfied at the weight I was, but anything over that (like at night, after all the day’s meals!) I would get depressed. My mind started telling me maybe I should stat dieting and eat salads like those other girls.

I did modeling for a few years with these thoughts growing more and more frequent in my head, month after month. I had other stuff going on in my life, so my self esteem eventually took a nose dive.

The deciding factor was when I was 18. I was at a fashion show and went to the bathroom, and overheard one of the other models throwing up behind a stall. I froze. I remember feeling sick to my stomach and thinking I couldn’t go on like this – who knows, it would only be a matter of time before I would be doing the same.

I decided it was time for a change. I had already started to hate modeling and the superficialness of it all; and although I had met some great people (makeup artists are awesome, by the way), I wrote to my agency and said I was going to focus on school, politely indicating I had enough of modeling.

And that was that – I quit.

Also, more importantly: I threw out my scale. Or rather, I carried it to my condo’s dumping area, smashed it around, and then dumped it in the garbage bin. It was so liberating.

I was free – no more obsessive weight talk, no more hearing about diets and who’s thin or not, no more lining up in casting lines feeling inferior to the other girls. I remember feeling such a sense of relief and lifted weight off my shoulders as I walked home.

My new stance on weight is this – as long as there is no problem (either being unhealthily over or underweight), who cares how much you weigh? And seriously, why are people still asking about weight? (New rule: answers to weight questions should be “I weigh fine, thank you.”)

Girls … Throw out that scale. It’s just not worth it.

Have you ever obsessed over your weight? How did you get “over” it? Or for the others still at that place – do you currently obsess about your weigh? Are there ways where you’re trying to stop the obsession? I hope you enjoyed this post because we are going to be talking about this issue more in the future!

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